It’s Saturday evening – date night – on a holiday weekend. When else could you find a more care-free and happy time for couples?

At least for most of them…?

It’s easy to assume “more happiness” around us during the holiday season…forgetting about the (many) people that simply aren’t.

“I just don’t understand Christmas,” Charlie Brown said, “I might be getting presents, sending Christmas cards, and decorating trees, but I’m still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.”

Especially when a sharp contrast exists between our present reality and the happiness we’re “supposed” to feel, a time like the holidays can come to feel even more painful than other times.  Nowhere is this more true than when the central relationship in our lives – the one that is “supposed” to be deeply fulfilling and happy – is instead, in a painful and difficult place.

Date night on a holiday weekend for that couple, might be way harder than even the ‘usual’ hard.

We’ve lived through some of those kinds of holidays, and find ourselves in a very different place now….With crazy-amounts of gratitude for the miracle that led us here, we can’t help but think of other couples this time of year – wanting them to have at least a glimpse of better days still possible…

For any and all relationships that are grasping for a reason to stay hopeful – including and especially during the holidays – Monique and I highlight three videos that comforted us during some of our difficult moments – and kept us believing in miracles still possible.  Trigger warning (!) for those not into spiritual stuff these days; we never would have made it without Help outside of ourselves…that was our experience.

1. Broken Together, Casting Crowns. If there’s only one video we could share, it would be this one.  

“How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
…Will we make it through the night?
Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and I’ll bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we’ll last forever is broken together”

2. Worn, Tenth Avenue North.  It’s nice to stay hopeful…but what about when you’re totally spent…with nothing more to give? If we’re serious about moving in another direction, maybe we shouldn’t pretend that people even have enough energy to begin with…?  For us, this Tenth Avenue North song really captures a crucial moment in our marriage – when we recognized the hard reality of where we were – and what that meant for any possible step forward.   

“I’m tired
I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world…

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need
To lift my eyes up
But I’m too week
Life just won’t let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
I’m worn even before the day begins
I’m worn I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn so heaven so come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that’s dead inside will be reborn
Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn.”

3. Lead Me, Sanctus Real. This last one won’t be popular with some of my feminist friends. That doesn’t make it any less true or beautiful or right. Other men looking for inspiration to be a husband and father in this crazy world will recognize this song for what it is: one of the few music videos EVER made that – rather than tearing us away from these roles – actually offers a bit of inspiration and strength in the near-impossible (at times) challenge of rising up and being that man.     

“I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying…

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying…

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone

Father, lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone.”